Declivity
by smiley56
Summary: ShizuoXIzaya. Shizuo tries an alternative method to taking Izaya down, but in the process who really gets hurt?
1. Chapter 1

"First I'll gab him by the scruff of that skinny, louse neck of him. Then I'll lift him up over my head, and bash his stupid louse brains against a brick wall."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah. After that, I'll grind that smirking face into the dirt, until his mouth is so full he's choking."

"Really now? Go on."

"And then, when his face has turned blue, I'll… are you laughing at me?"

Tanaka Tom almost stopped in his tracks on the dark Ikebukuro street, the knowing grin immediately leaving his face. The man next to him, his employee and his friend, was normally the silent type. However, after being treated to a couple of drinks (even if they were the kind that only his sister would be caught dead ordering), even the feared Heiwajima Shizuo was bound to loosen up a little. But that didn't mean that his temper wasn't still just as deadly or short as it was when he was sober.

"I mean it, Tom. You don't think I'm serious, but one day that annoying flea is going to meet his demise. And I'm going to be the cause."

"I believe in your sincerity, but you've been telling the same tale ever since I hired you. Face it, Shizuo. If throwing a dumpster didn't work the first time, it's not going to work the seven hundredth either."

Shizuo cracked his knuckles. "So what? You think I can't take him down?"

"No. Just that maybe you should try a different tactic." Tom wasn't really sure why he was letting himself get drawn into this previously one sided conversation. Still, it did pain him to see the suffering that the man they were talking about caused his friend. Shizuo was a good guy, and he had enough troubles to worry about without an outside instigator. "Why not beat him at his own game? Dig up a little dirt on the almighty Orihara Izaya."

The duo stopped at the intersection where they were to part ways.

"You mean… like information?" Shizuo studied his employers face with a hard to read expression.

"Why not? He's a shady guy. There's got to be something out there that he doesn't want others to know." Tom turned and gave a little wave over his shoulder. "Think about it."

Shizuo silently watched Tom's back as he disappeared into the night, before heading in the direction of his own humble apartment.

Late the next morning, the former bartender could be found in West Gate park, pushing his glasses as far up the bridge of his nose as possible. Inside his head he was repeatedly bestowing curses upon his current situation. Damn Tom for not cutting him off last night. Damn him for running out of coffee on a morning when he was particularly hungover. Damn the sun for shining, children for playing, and the birds for singing.

And a very special damnation for whoever it was that had just grabbed his hand and tugged him with all their might in the direction opposite from which he was heading.

"Shizuoooo-san!" The tall blonde turned around to face the daring culprit. She was a mere high school student, with braided hair and round glasses. Behind her stood an almost perfect replica, sporting a shorter haircut and staring timidly at the ground.

"… what is it, Mairu?" He had nothing against the twins, really, but their presence couldn't help but bring to mind a certain Shinjuku resident who he would love nothing more than to drown in Tokyo Bay. Thus, he always had to make a conscious effort to repress a subtle twinge of anger whenever he first glimpsed their presence. It was just bad luck on their part that they ended up with that pest of an older brother.

"Shizuo-san is a big meanie!" the more vocal of the pair huffed. Her sister just gave a small nod, still not making eye contact. "To think that Yuuhei-san was doing a photoshoot in Ikebukuro yesterday, and Shizuo-san didn't even have the decency to tell his biggest fans!"

Shizuo sighed. "You guys can't go bothering my brother while he's at work. Just stand in line at his next signing with everyone else."

"Stupid." Shizuo raised an eyebrow at the blunt remark that came from Kururi.

"Kuru-nee is right!" Mairu said with a wide grin. "Shizuo-san can't honestly think that we didn't find out on our own. His cooperation would make things sooo much easier, but we saw our dearest Yuuhei-san anyway." She fished a cell phone out of her pocket, shoving a blurry picture of what Shizuo assumed was Kasuka as close to his face as she could reach.

"Well, good for you guys then." He really couldn't see the value in a photo where his brother's facial features were barely distinguishable, but whatever floated their boats. Something small caught the light of the sun, drawing his eye away from the screen.

"… that's cute." He said, touching the small puppy cell phone charm.

Mairu beamed. "I know, right! He gave Kuru-nee one too!" She nudged her sister, who silently held up a matching phone. Hanging off the side was a tiny kitten.

"He?" Shizuo immediately withdrew his hand.

"Iza-nii, of course!"

The blonde's eyes narrowed. "I hope he isn't trying to draw you guys into whatever dirty games he's playing now."

Kururi tilted her head in confusion. "Present."

"Did you guys have a birthday?"

This time Mairu mimicked her sister's gesture. "Our birthday was four months ago."

Shizuo scoffed. "Then he's definitely trying to bribe you to do something. Watch out."

"I wish!" Mairu sighed and stuffed the phone back into her bag. "Iza-nii makes everything so boring. It's always 'Don't touch that file.' and 'Get off the chat room.'. " Kururi gave as enthusiastic a nod as Shizuo ever suspected he would see. "He'll never let us do anything interesting!"

"Don't look too disappointed. Your brother doesn't exactly run a respectable business. He's probably just trying to pro... protect… " The blonde trailed off, and then let out a weak little chuckle. The rusty cogs in his head had started to turn, and Tom's voice from last night was echoing in his ears.

"Why not beat him at his own game?"

Shizuo broke into a wide grin as Mairu snapped her fingers in front of his face. The only feeling he was used to associating with Izaya was hate, and it was all he was ever shown in return. Their emotions ran so strong that it was difficult for him to even comprehend someone actually liking that despicable man. And in all the years he had known Izaya, the only interest he had shown in another person was for his own personal gain in the end. Though the twins were his younger siblings, the same as Kasuka was to him. Maybe it wasn't too much of a stretch to assume that the louse had some semblance of the feelings that Shizuo felt for his younger brother. They could bond in some weird freak show of an Orihara family reunion from time to time.

"Shizuo-san's boring. Let's go, Kururi."

"Hey, wait. Could you guys follow me for a second?"

"Late."

"It'll be worth your while. I promise." This seemed to peak the twins interest.

Perhaps this time that damn flea was finally going down.


	2. Chapter 2

Bzzzt

Izaya frowned as his train of thought was cut short by the sound of his doorbell. He was just in the midst of sorting through some paperwork that could lead to the downfall of a few very, very important people. Such information could make him a very rich man… well, richer than he already was anyway.

Bzzzt

Groaning, he pressed the intercom button on the desk. So help him, if Namie had forgotten her purse or something equally as trivial… "This better be good."

"A visit from an old friend good enough?" The deep voice on the other end sounded anything but friendly.

"Shizu-chan?" Izaya was momentarily confused. If Shizuo wanted into his apartment he was more inclined to break the door down that use the buzzer. "What are you doing here?"

"Just let me in, flea. You'll find out."

There was a moment's hesitation. "The door's unlocked." Izaya said, pressing another button on his desk. On the other end of the room there was a small clicking noise as the lock turned. The man at the desk quietly palmed his switchblade as the door opened, revealing a familiar figure.

"I must say, Shizu-chan, it isn't like you to play coy." It was strange, even, for his old rival to leave Ikebukuro period. The look on the blonde's face was strange. There was still the familiar traces of anger and disgust, but they were accompanied by an air of what almost seemed to be confidenece. "What's up?"

Shizuo didn't answer, instead casually closing the distance between them, smirking. This was certainly a situation worthy of being a distraction, Izaya thought as he shifted slightly in his seat. Why did Shizu-chan have to be so damn unpredictable all the time?

The former bartender removed a fist from his pocket, and Izaya flicked the still hidden knife open. However, the hand didn't make for his face, but rather slammed down on the desk. When it was removed, Izaya could see two small phone charms lying in it's place.

"My, my, Shizu-chan. I never thought you'd be so thoughtful as to bring me a gift." Of course he recognized the charms immediately, but decided to play dumb for the moment.

"Cut the crap, flea. You know who these belong to."

Izaya kept the same condescending smile. "I know a lot of things."

"Yeah? Well if you ever want to see your sisters again, I think you know that you better be straight with me."

Izaya's eyes narrowed slightly and he rose from his seat. "Really, Shizu-chan. I also know you a lot better than you think I do, and if you honestly expect me to believe that you'd intentionally harm two little high school gi-"

His sentence was cut short by a piercing scream. Shizuo had removed a cell phone from his pocket and was playing a voice recording. The sobs and pleas coming out of it made his blood run cold. There was no mistaking who those voices belonged to.

"Please! Please don't hurt us!"

"Izaya onee-san..."

"YOU SAY HIS NAME ONE MORE FUCKING TIME AND I'LL RIP YOUR THROAT TO SHREADS!"

More sobs and cries, and then the recording ended abruptly. Izaya was sure that the chill running up and down his spine wasn't caused by the air conditioning in his apartment.

"You…" The informant's throat felt dry, and for once he had nothing to say.

"Looks like I have your attention now. Good." Shizuo's face showed an almost deranged smile as he moved forward and threw an uppercut that connected square with Izaya's jaw.

In all his life, Shizuo couldn't recall anything that felt as good as his fist knocking that no good pest off his feet. He watched as the flea hit the ground, momentarily stunned, and then struggled into a sitting position, wiping a trickle of blood from the corner of his mouth.

"A little warning would have been nice." Izaya muttered. Shizuo noticed that one of his hands was in the pocket of his pants.

"How's this for a warning? I'm going to beat you fucking senseless, until even your own mother won't be able to recognize that disgusting face of yours. And you're going to stand there and take it. Sound good? Now empty your pockets."

Izaya regarded his tormentor with an icy stare, before reaching up and placing his trademark switchblade on his desk. A sleek black cell phone followed. Shizuo was a little surprised at the order in which the possessions were surrendered. He would have guessed that the blade would be the last thing that louse would be willing to part with.

"Do your worst, Shizu-chan."

"If you insist." The informant was grabbed by the collar of his shirt and lifted to his feet. Shizuo brought a knee up and rammed him in the stomach, causing the smaller man to double over. Another elbow brought down upon his back returned Izaya to the floor, this time sprawled on his stomach.

As Izaya was trying to catch his breath, Shizuo took a step and straddled him. The adrenaline was pumping through his veins as he squatted. To have this much power over the previously untouchable man was exhilarating. If only he'd realized sooner that it would take so little to bring him under his control.

Shizuo sat down on Izaya's back. There was no telling if the informant would change his mind later, and Shizuo didn't want to even give him the option of running now that he had him within his grasp. A small beep came from the direction of the computer, and Izaya's head immediately turned in it's direction. The former bartender entwined his fingers in the other's silky, black hair, pulled up, and then slammed his face into the cold, hard flooring.

"I don't think so, flea. You're getting your ass handed to you right here, and nobody's going to know about it 'til we're through."

"Aha.. haha.." A weak chuckle came from underneath him.

Shizuo frowned. "What's so funny?"

"Could I be so bold as to say that you're a little turned on by all this?"

Shizuo couldn't deny that all this excitement had got him a little… well, excited. Was it really obvious enough for the other man to notice through his clothes, though?

"So what if I am? Just goes to show how much I really hate you, flea." He had been thrown a bit by Izaya's statement, but certainly wasn't going to outwardly show any weakness now that he had come so far.

Izaya chuckled again, this time with a little more vigor. Shizuo could feel his body begin to shake with anger. This little shit should be begging him for mercy right now, not laughing as if he were on holiday somewhere. It was more than infuriating, it was frustratingly confusing. Everything was wrong about this scenario, from the flea's laughing to his erection, and it was causing Shizuo to slowly feel his control slipping away.

"Such an interesting reaction." came the muffled reply from below. "Especially from the guy who claims to hate violence so. Or did you just not want to show the public your perverted fetish?"

That was it. Shizuo immersed himself in the all too familiar feeling of being consumed by his rage.

"Fuck you, you cowardly bastard! Every time we meet you turn tail and run back to your fancy Shinjuku apartment, and you think you know me well enough to go all analytical and shit?" He was pressing the informant's face to the floor so hard it was a miracle his skull hadn't cracked. "Here's a bit of information that you might find useful. Let me show you how terrifying my anger really is."

Izaya was deftly flipped over onto his back. Shizuo wasted no time in pulling out his growing erection, taking pleasure in hearing the other man catch his breath.

"Seems like you've figured out where this is going, flea."

"You can't be serious…"

"Oh, I am. And if you are about ever seeing those sisters of yours again…" He got on his knees drew forward Izaya's upper half by the collar of his shirt. The blonde leaned in close and practically growled the end of his sentence. "… then I'd suggest you suck."


	3. Chapter 3

Izaya had opened his mouth, perhaps to deliver another protest, but Shizuo had heard enough. He thrust his hips up and pushed the smaller man's head down at the same time. Izaya's words were his last remaining weapon, and Shizuo knew his strength was the only thing that could match them. Though he did have the upper hand, Izaya was amazingly cunning. It was best not to give him too much leeway.

Shizuo grit his teeth as Izaya tentatively took his head into his mouth. The slick tongue slowly moving around it was enough to make his cock fully hard at last.

"Better pick up the pace, I-za-ya-kun. Just remember, the faster you make me cum the quicker it'll all be over." Of course, Shizuo fully intended to prolong the flea's humiliation as much as he could possibly stand. He bucked his hips, engulfing himself suddenly further into Izaya's mouth. He was rewarded with a muffled wimper.

"Oh? I like that sound. Let's make it happen again." Another, deeper thrust. This time the sound was half cry and half gag. Shizuo grinned and grabbed a fistful of Izaya's dark hair. He began to thrust in and out, pushing and pulling the informant's head in rhythm. Izaya was emitting strangled noises, and each one sent a pleasant vibration up into his stomach. Caught up in his own excitement, Shizuo wasn't lasting nearly as long as he'd hoped.

"I'm gonna… hn… come soon, flea. And.. ah.. you better not spill a drop.." he warned, in between pants. A couple more jerks and the blonde surrendered to his orgasm, letting out a throaty cry. Warm semen dripped into the waiting mouth, causing Izaya to attempt to pull away. However, Shizuo's grip was unrelenting. He kept the brunet in his position until he could feel his heartbeat return to normal, only then pushing the smaller man's head away.

Izaya fell to the floor, coughing and dry heaving. Shizuo didn't take his eyes off him, drinking in the sight of the weakened informant like it was a sweet wine. He wondered if he was the first to ever witness Izaya in this pathetic state.

"… what's this?" Despite the drawn shades and dim lighting of the room, Shizuo had noticed a small stain on the floor. "I think you missed some."

Izaya cringed. "I… I tried."

"I don't recall telling you to try, Izaya-kun." Shizuo pulled his cell phone out of his pocket.

"Wait!" Izaya struggled to a sitting position. "Don't do it!"

Shizuo paused, his finger above the send button. Izaya had begun to lower himself again, all the while keeping his gaze on the cell phone. Slowly, he stuck out his tongue, licked the spilled cum off the floor, and swallowed.

"Okay?" he asked, his gaze never wavering.

Shizuo felt a twitch in his groin. It was more than okay. It was better than he could have ever imagined and, quite frankly, kind of hot.

"Well, it's a start." Shizuo said in a restrained manner. In truth, it was taking a whole lot of willpower for him to not pounce on Izaya then and there. The brunet was on his hands and knees, looking up at him with pleading and vulnerable eyes.

"A start!" Izaya straightened up. "Haven't I done enough? What else could you possibly want fro-" He stopped midsentence as his eyes widened in realization.

"Think of it as your second chance, flea. Because I'm such a swell guy and all that other shit." Shizuo reached out and put his hand on Izaya's chest. It pleased him greatly to feel that the man's heart was pumping wildly.

"Shizuo…" Did Izaya's voice just crack? "I have money. Connections. Information. Whatever you want. Just don't do this. I'm begging you."

Shizuo leaned in close, until their noses were almost touching. "And ithat's/i precisely why I'm going to." He pushed, forcing Izaya onto his back. The informant squirmed under his grasp, but Shizuo was already hovering over him.

"The more you struggle, the worse it's going to be." The blonde enforced his point by gripping the waistband of Izaya's black pants on either side of his hipbones and ripping them apart. To his surprise, and delight, once the pressure on his abdomen was removed Izaya rolled over and tried to crawl away. Shizuo let him go for a few feet, before grabbing his ankle and dragging him back underneath him.

"Izayaaa~. What did I just say?"

"You can't expect me to not put up a fight!" There was a note of hysteria in the informant's voice now. His response came in the form of a cell phone shoved up against his ear, with a familiar message playing.

Izaya gave a weak little sob and collapsed upon his stomach, seemingly emotionally spent. Shizuo took this as his chance to discard the torn black fabric that had slid off the other man's hips and pull down his silky, crimson boxers, exposing his smooth and pale flesh. Slowly, he traced a finger down the base of Izaya's spine. The flea's body was much too bony to be considered traditionally beautiful, but Shizuo couldn't help but marvel at his creamy white skin.

A muffled shout brought him back to the task at hand. Izaya had buried his face in his arms.

"JUST FUCKING GET ON WITH IT ALREADY!"

Shizuo thought the tips of his maniacal grin must have been touching his ear by now.

"Well, if you insist." He plunged three fingers at once into the waiting hole, savoring the outcry that followed. Izaya's hips bucked up, and Shizuo wrapped his free arm around the informant's waist, holding him close.

"Izaya-kun, you're kind of hard." The blonde chuckled and ran a finger down the other man's length, causing him to shudder.

"It's just… hn… my body reacting. I'm definitely not ienjoying/i this like you are, you sick bastard."

"Good. I wouldn't have it any other way." In one quick motion Shizuo spread his fingers and pushed himself inside. Izaya had squeezed his eyes shut and was biting his sleeve, but the forced entrance still caused a scream to emerge through his gritted teeth. Shizuo moaned loudly as he was submerged in the tight warmth. He wanted his victim to be fully aware of his pleasure. He pulled out a bit and rammed himself in again. After the flea's first outcry he was doing pretty good job of holding his noises in. And that just wouldn't do at all.

"Ahh~!" Shizuo paused momentarily, before letting out a low laugh and pounding the spot he had just touched over and over again. Having Izaya scream in pain was delicious, but having him scream and cum against his will was a whole new level of torment.

"Shizu-chan… not… don't…" Izaya seemed to be having trouble focusing enough to make coherent sentences. His face was flushed, and each breath was accompanied by a small moan. Whether it was from pain or pleasure Shizuo couldn't tell.

"Dammit, flea." The blond growled through his labored breathing. "You know that I. Hate. That. iName!/i" Shizuo gave a violent thrust with every word, and reached his climax at the final one. He could feel Izaya tighten around him, and the informant released himself as well.

Spent, Shizuo dropped to his hands and knees, releasing the his hold on the other who fell limply to the floor. No witty retort or sarcastic remark came as blood and semen trickled out from between the smaller man's legs. Shizuo smiled victoriously.

"Good job, louse. Guess your sisters will live to see another day."

"… y'know, you can quit acting now."

Shizuo's face dropped immediately. "You call that an act? You saw the evidence."

Izaya laughed weakly and slowly pointed to his desk computer. A message box was on the screen, and Shizuo read the text inside.

iBakyura/i: The twins are safe.

iBakyura/i: Watching tv in their apartment.

iBakyura/i: Also I'm not spying on your little sisters again, you creep.

The messages were dated from over half an hour ago.

It felt as if the proverbial rug had been pulled out from beneath his feet. His head was spinning, as the reality of the situation slowly settled into his brain. Shizuo watched, mouth agape, as the other man shakily rose to his knees and grabbed his cell phone off the desk. He pressed a few buttons, and then held the screen up so that a recently sent message could be read.

_iI know where you are. Walk straight two blocks. Turn left. Go one block. Turn right. Look into second window from right on building 459. Report on private chat./i_

Izaya Orihara was a man of many talents. And apparently texting really fucking fast without looking was one of them.

"So what did it take for my sisters to put on that awful show for you, Shizu-chan? The promise of two autographs from that ever so popular and talented brother of yours?" Shizuo's face twitched. Yeah, something like that.

"But why…." The blonde's head was starting to throb as his mind grappled for the reasoning behind Izaya's actions. The man may not look like much, but time and time again he had always proved to be more than capable of slipping through Shizuo's fingers. And yet, this time he had allowed himself to be caught.

"Hmm…" Izaya put down the phone and thought for a moment. "Let me put it this way. You're unpredictable, Shizu-chan, and it pisses me off." The informant's red eyes glimmered. "Who knew that you'd actually make the connection in that miniscule brain of yours that throwing vending machines wasn't going to take me down. And then you had the absolute iaudacity/i to come into my domain and think you could outsmart me. ME!" He laughed softly. "You really are too much sometimes, you know that? Well, I thought I'd use this opportunity to teach you a little bit about yourself." Now he had reclaimed the switchblade off the desk, too, turning it over and over in the palm of his hand. Shizuo was still too much in shock to even think of stopping him from arming himself

"Shizu-chan is a monster." Izaya's trademark smirk had returned to his face, though his posture was still a bit too rigid to look natural. "The whole city has witnessed your inhuman strength and violent temper. It's common knowledge by now. What I wanted to know is if what I suspected was true. If the outside reflected the inside. And now we both know the truth. Shizu-chan isn't human… he's a monster to the very core of his soul. This evidence is your punishment for even considering that you and I are on the same level."

"You… you really have so much hate inside you…" Shizuo knew how ridiculous that sounded in light of recent events, but he couldn't think of anything else to say. Mentally pinning the blame on his most hated rival seemed like the easiest way not to turn an eye inward on himself.

"Hate?" Izaya brought the dull edge of the knife up to Shizuo's face, causing him to flinch. However, the cool metal was drawn harmlessly down his cheek, in a sort of twisted caress. "You misunderstand me completely, Shizu-chan. It's the complete opposite, really. You see…" Cool red eyes met his, and for a moment their expression was completely unreadable. "I am a man who is cursed with an overabundance of love."

In an instant, the tip of the knife was lingering at the blonde's throat, pressed directly in the middle of his adam's apple. "Now tuck yourself in and get the fuck out of my apartment, before I call the cops for a crime that you really did commit."


	4. Chapter 4

iRinnnng rinnnnng/i

Shizuo groaned and pulled the pillow over his head, trying to block out the shrill noise that suddenly pierced through the silence in his apartment. A loud beep sounded and then everything was still once more. Slowly he reached over and picked the cell phone up. The clock on the front read 3:42pm, with a notice of five missed calls and one voice mail, all from his boss.

"Shizuo where are you? You haven't shown up for work and I've been trying to reach you all day. Call me back."

He frowned and threw the phone away, not taking notice of where it landed. Tom's voice was stern, yet there was an obvious undertone of concern to it. However, to his employee it just brought to mind a string of fresh memories which had caused him to stay in bed all day, drifting in and out of sleep. It wasn't his boss's fault, though his words (and generous bar tab) has undoubtedly set events into motion. Disappearing today with no prior notice was completely uncalled for. Shizuo knew that.

He knew, and yet that did nothing to prevent him rolling over and drifting back into blissful unconsciousness.

White. It filled and obscured his vision as Shizuo awoke with a start, feeling a constricting sensation around him. He wiggled, but the grip only tightened. Blinking the sleep from his eyes, his groggy mind slowly began to realize he was tangled in the bedsheets. Twisting slowly this time, the blond managed to unravel himself.

The room was dark. Well, darker than it had been earlier, even with the shades drawn. Shizuo glanced over at the clock on the nightstand. 2:41am. Blond locks were plastered to his forehead, and a cold bead of sweat trickled down the back of his neck, causing him to shiver. The bed was slightly damp, too. Despite the practically whole day he had spent asleep, well rested was the furthest from what he was feeling right now.

His motions were heavy as he rose from the mattress and shuffled towards the bathroom, grabbing a towel that was draped over the back of the only chair in the room on the way. The bright light that flashed after he flicked the light switch momentarily blinded him, and he groaned, shielding his eyes. A sidelong glance into the mirror revealed to him an extremely haggard looking self. His hair was mussed, showing black roots, and deep circles framed his eyes. A moment was all he could stand to look into those hollow eyes before he stepped out of his boxers and into the shower stall.

Shizuo tilted his head back and let the lukewarm water trail down his body, washing away all the dried sweat and grime of the city. He could see the dirty water swirling down the drain, slightly murky, and then gradually clearer. Evidence that he was now clean again. Clean… so why couldn't he bring himself to exit the small cubicle?

Because it wasn't enough.

No amount of soap or scrubbing could reach down to his dirty, filthy core. The disgusting soul that was camouflaged by the shell of a well kept human being.

Shit. He couldn't think like this, though he knew he needed to. It was the truth and he knew it, but if he could just run from the facts for a little while longer. Postpone the realization that he, Shizuo Heiwajima, was a rapi-

Stop.

Knitting his brows together, the ex bartender reached down and grabbed his dick, looking for the most convenient distraction. He pumped slowly, willing the tender pink flesh to life. His erection began throbbing gently, and he closed his eyes, focusing on nothing but the sensation of his finger tips. His hips gave a particularly sharp jolt as he brushed against a sensitive spot near the base of his shaft. There was nothing but pleasure in his mind. Nothing but the sweet heat building in his stomach.

Nothing but Izaya's terrified gaze meeting his as the blond thrusted his cock into the informant's protesting mouth.

Shizuo's eyes flew open as his penis immeadiately went flaccid. He barely made it to the toilet in time, slipping on the smooth tile floor. He retched, and fill the bowl with bile, seeing as he hadn't eaten for hours and there was nothing in his stomach to hurl up. Gasping for breath, he stood on shaky legs and opened the medicine cabinet door, avoiding his reflection completely this time. Pushing aside a box of band aids revealed a small bottle of pills, which he gladly retrieved.

'Fuck this' was the thought that so eloquently ran through his mind as he swallowed what could only be approximated as a handful of the small white tablets. If sleep was going to be his only form of relief, then he might as well make it worth it this time. He stumbled out of the room, and made it about three quarters of the way to his bed before collapsing onto the floor, letting his mind sink into a sweet state of blackness.

It hurt. Everything hurt. His head. His heart. And now his entire fucking body.

Shizuo groaned as his eyes cracked open, greeting the day. Fighting through the haze of sleep was difficult, but he rolled over onto his back, noticing during the action that his left arm had fallen asleep. Sitting up was a struggle, but eventually he righted himself.

Was he really waking up on the floor of his bedroom? Shizuo brought his tingling hand up to touch the side of his cheek. Rough hatch marks were imprinted there, proving that he indeed had spent a decent amount of time with his face pressed to the floor.

The blond chanced a glance downward at the rest of him. His naked form just brought a wave of fresh, shameful memories from the night before.

Pathetic. Here he was naked, on the floor, and waking up from a drug induced slumber like some miserable washed up celebrity.

The imagery brought a weak smile to his face, and a soft chuckle escaped his dry, cracked lips.

So he laughed deep, husky laughs that echoed off the walls of his apartment. He laughed because the only other thing left to do was cry, and Shizuo Heiwajima had no more tears left in him. His allotment had been used up many years ago. Whatever crazy thing that was happening right now was his body's chosen substitute, and he gladly surrendered to it.

The laughs were starting to become higher pitched and more hysterical now. Covering half his face with his hand, the blond threw his head back and let the laughter evolve into a long scream. The deep baritone vibrated through the room, carrying out with it the piled up guilt and shame buried within the large, muscular body. Shizuo's fingers curled, and his hand on the floor ripped up a chunk of carpeting as his lungs finally ran out of air.

He sat for a moment, panting but feeling slightly lighter. It was only a temporary fix, the blond knew, but it was enough for him to ignore the banging on the wall coming from next door and reach for his abandoned cell phone. He ignored the missed calls completely and instead went straight to the unread text message. It was from Kasuka.

i[Check your fridge]/i

Curious, Shizuo pulled on his discarded boxers and obeyed the command. Inside he found a bottle of milk and a convenience store bento, accompanied by a handwritten note.

i"You haven't been eating, but you'll feel better after you do. These times pass, and there is always something to gain at the end."/i

Shizuo felt his heartstrings tighten, and the tears which he believed would never come suddenly stung his eyes.

"Sorry, baby bro. Not this time." His stomach churned again but he reached for the milk anyway, taking small sips. Kasuka must have come earlier that morning with his spare key, but Shizuo's bedroom had been locked as well. It was for the best. Though his brother sincerely believed in those words, Shizuo knew this time to be different. He had been the executor of a premeditated attack, attempting to break someone with the full awareness of what he was doing. Something only a true monster was capable of.

The phone beeped, and the new message icon flashed on the screen once again. Curiously, Shizuo opened it. This one was from Celty.

i[You snapped again. I can tell. Whatever happened, you obviously don't want to be found. However, please think of getting outside. This isn't healthy.]/i

The blond frowned and replaced the bottle next to the unopened bento. Celty was right, of course. The longer he hid, the more unbearable this pity party would become. Everyone knew he was a monster anyway. He would avoid them, and they would avoid him. Not so different from his usual routine, but just a sighting or two should be enough to keep those stupid enough to want to get close to him from worrying enough to actively seek him out.

He dressed, leaving his vest unbuttoned and not even bothering with the bowtie at all. Taking a deep breath, he hesitantly pulled open the door to his apartment. He could do this, if only for the sake of forming a protective distance between those he loved and the monster he now knew himself to truly be.


	5. Chapter 5

Shizuo scowled at the bright sunlight that assaulted his eyes. He patted his breast pocket, but of course his sunglasses had been left inside.

The fucking weather didn't even have the decency to match his mood.

The blond barely made it four blocks before spotting a familiar dread-headed man walking his way. His boss was staring at the sky, chewing on a burger from their favorite fast food joint. This was the perfect opportunity to apologize and start getting back on his feet again.

At least, it would be if the sight of the man hadn't caused a sudden panic to envelope his body. It was just Tom-san, he thought, though his heartbeat was speeding up dangerously. Tom-san isn't afraid of me. He wouldn't judge me. He wouldn't hate me for what I am…

Shizuo froze momentarily, before ducking into a side alley.

Shit, shit, shit! Please let him not have been noticed. Don't stop. Keep walking. Please keep walking…

He wasn't exactly sure how much time passed in that darkened corridor, with his eyes squeezed shut and his hand clutching at his pounding chest. After a few steadying breaths, Shizuo chanced to peer around the corner. The street lay empty before him.

Sighing, he pulled out a pack of American Spirits and lit one as it dangled between his lips. His calloused hands were actually trembling, he noticed with a shred of disbelief.

Well, nobody said this was going to be easy.

With nicotine now flowing smoothly through his system, Shizuo picked up his route again, making sure to avoid the paths that Tom-san was prone to taking.

"Yo."

Shizuo didn't even need to look up to place the all too familiar greeting. Breathing deeply through his nostrils, he skulked on by his high school classmate, focusing intensely on each step. Kadota just sighed and gave a nonchalant little shrug, before turning back to attempting to consol Togusa who was currently bemoaning a new scratch in their van's paintjob.

Ok, that was better. His head still throbbed, but coming within ten feet of an acquaintance could be considered an accomplishment, right?

"Shiz-iu/i-o! Look tired. Eat sushi! Sushi give strength!"

The blond grimaced as Simon yet again butchered the pronunciation of his name. This time, however, he even managed a small, dismissing wave.

"Hiroshi! Stop it!"

Shizuo's ears perked and his head turned in the direction of a high pitched giggle.

"C'mon, babe. I've been waiting too long for this." Behind a convenience store a punk looking young man was attempting to slide his hands up the shirt of an equally delinquent looking girl.

"Nooo. I said stop!" Her pleas were broken by fits of giggles, and she certainly wasn't putting up much of a struggle. However, that didn't make one bit of difference as her words rang in the ex bartenders ears.

iStop it!/i

Within that moment, whatever feeble dam had been keeping himself in check broke. A wave of fury, guilt, and a thousand other emotions swept through him, and he rode it. Letting the tide carry him to the point of no return, the true face Shizuo Heiwajima finally emerged.

Violence incarnate.

Panting and heaving, he leaned unsteadily against an upturned car and surveyed the damage. An uprooted stop sign, a park bench, a few broken windows... the list mounted in his head, but strangely he felt calmer than he had all day. He was like a wild beast in his natural habitat, surrounded by the filth and wreckage that mirrored his inner soul.

It was all too ironically fitting to even be sad.

"… H-heiwajima-san?"

Shizuo twisted his upper body around to face the person who had just addressed him. He was confused momentarily upon finding no one there, before tilting his head slightly downwards. There stood a young girl in a Raijin… no, Raira Academy uniform. She had the liberal arts type look about her, he noticed, with a short, blunt haircut and round glasses. Her demeanor was shy and quiet, and she quickly averted her eyes so as not to meet his gaze. It was as if Mairu and Kururi had become one person.

Shit, don't think about them.

"What do you want?" He asked gruffly, not even bothering to question how she knew his name. People tended to, around these parts. His hand brought a cigarette and lighter up to his mouth, in what he hoped was a cool gesture. Inwardly, he was a mess.

This young girl shouldn't be here, around him. It was too dangerous. Nobody should be around him. Why did he listen to Celty's text message? If he hurt her… no. No he couldn't think like that. He needed to stay calm. Just drive her away and get the hell back to his apartment.

"Eh!" The girl gave a start and flushed a deep red. "Um… well… I saw two people running from this direction and-"

"And you thought maybe you'd come have a firsthand look at Shizuo Heiwajima's infamous Ikebukuro freak show."

"N-no!" The girl stammered, looking at him with wide eyes. Shizuo had to admit, she didn't seem the type to just come gawk at him on her own.

"Then get lost." He exhaled a deep puff of smoke, and gave her a look that said she better do as he said.

"Um… H-heiwajima-san seems upset about something…"

Shizuo regarded her with a blank stare. Saying that Shizuo Heiwajima was upset about something was like stating that the sun was hot.

In other words, no fucking shit.

"You're a perceptive one. Now don't make me repeat myself."

Despite looking extremely uncomfortable, the girl stayed rooted to her spot.

"M-maybe Heiwajima-san would like to talk about it…?"

The sting of hot bile could be felt rising in his throat. "No." he said, hoarsely.

The girl did not respond, but nor did she leave. Instead she regarded him with an unreadable look in her eyes. Shizuo shifted and broke eye contact, starting to feeling extremely uncomfortable. There was nothing about this situation that he liked, and he abruptly decided that he needed to get out of here. Right now.

"Heiwajima-san." The voice was as quiet as ever, but there was a distinct firmness to it now. He met her gaze once again, and was surprised to find the image of his own mother flash through his brain. It was all very strange, yet oddly comforting.

"… I did something terrible." He wasn't exactly sure what prompted him to tell her this, but the words were coming anyway.

"You hurt someone?"

"Yes. Again."

"Someone you love?"

"No!" It was his gut reaction, and yet… the metal image of Izaya no longer elicited that familiar feeling of rage. Shizuo knew it still should, but it didn't. "I mean… I don't know."

Maybe it was because he had found someone who he hated even more. Himself.

He shook his head. "What am I saying? Love? I'm a fucking monstrosity. There's no way a person like me could feel something like… well…"

The girl's mouth curved into a soft smile. "I disagree."

Shizuo raised his eyebrows in surprise.

"Heiwajima-san must care deeply about something. I can see it. And I can feel it." Her eyes closed momentarily, and when they opened again the ex bartender could swear that they were glowing as they surveyed the damage around him.

"This…" She made a sweeping gesture with her arm at the carnage around them. "This is your love."

Shizuo's mouth felt dry as he tried to process what he just heard.

"What are you saying? iThis!/i This is a nightmare that I can never wake up from! Don't tell me that this is love! There is no love in this or in me!"

The girl simply shook her head slowly, and waited patiently to make sure he was through speaking. "I found you, didn't I? You love so much that it tears you apart. It overflows and forces you to unleash that destructive power. It's really a simple trail to follow, once you know what to look for. And you're keeping it all to yourself…"

Shizuo lurched, and then took off at a full sprint. He couldn't stand to hear any more of this right now.

The girl watched him go, and then exhaled a shaky breath as her eyes returned to normal and the glint of steel disappeared back into her sleeve. She would have to be more careful from now on. This time she had almost let the demon blade within her take control.


End file.
